Pulkita Anand

For You

You told we are beyond any boundaries

I traversed and transgressed every boundary

For you

When I asked you do the same

You want to limit in your limits

And started hurling loaded words

Trust, honesty. . .

These words sound shallow 

From your mouth

You feel humiliated, embarrassed and low

By my deeds

When indeed they are my care and love 

For you

It is not we, it is only

You

Everything according to you

Oh! My apologies

I create fuss, scene and drama

---

Stranger

You married me to a stranger

Without my consent, my desire and knowledge

Ignorant of everything

Taught me to consider his home 

My home

But home is built on love and devotion

How can that be possible 

When there is no emotion

Has I lost the right to live a life 

That has been bestowed on me

Stifled, smothered and suffocated 

Let me take a breath . . .

---

I guess

I guess I am not kind to you

I guess I don’t understand you

I guess I don’t care for your love

When I try to look for your well being

And ask to do simple things

I hurl stones on you

I splatter hammer and thorns

You throw rose petals with your sarcasm

You throw red carpet on my path

Me, a dumb wit, a nincompoop

Can’t relish the treasure bestowed on me

I guess the problem is with me . . .

---

Father

Oh! Father

Did you desire my birth?

For the longing of a son

You despise me

What wrong I did to you?

And long I live with you

But before my arrival

You tried to kill me

didn’t succeed, though

you kill me throughout my life

Like a beast of burden 

I, in your life

To unburden yourself

You transfer your burden to him

My husband, I call him

We like two bullocks

Yoked together

With no love, no feeling

No caring for each other

Ready to perform the ritual you taught

His father legacy, he carried, I, mine

Creating a hell, creating a netherworld

For the unborn to be born

There is a subtle line of demarcation between sanity and insanity. According to Freud, we are all neurotic. That’s why we at times are not able to decipher the reason for our behaviour. Madness is something that is given by the society. When a woman refuses to follow the codes assigned to a woman, her aberrant divested behaviour is considered as madness. And society is by and large governed by patriarchy. So, in a way, it is men who decide the madness of women. Women have been declared mad due to cultural, religious and financial reasons. 

Women’s space is created by patriarchy and certain codes and parameters are allowed for women to adhere too. The strange and peculiar behaviour of women is due to her marginalized and relegated position in society. This behaviour is categorised as the madness of women. By demeaning and regressing their position, men have suppressed their creativity too. There is a lot at the stake for women to create a space. Home is a gendered space. Both have different space.  Women are participating in creating a certain identity and are shaped by it. They try to negotiate the space and renegotiate to make it more feasible. The choice and the world which is available is also limited.

In most of the discourses, women’s voice is silenced, a subaltern who can’t speak. Even in the very institution of the mental hospital, patriarchy operates its power. It becomes a place to discipline women. Discipline her mind, body and soul. Those women who rebelled against their position and norms need to be brought to their sense by losing their senses. Mental illness is a traumatic and disorienting experience for anyone. What is required at this turbulent and testing time is constant support and care from all walks of life.

There is a need to consider what is considered as normal: marriage, motherhood and childbirth, can be traumatic too. It is time to consider the subterrane issues, to make the world a better place. Mental institution and other institutions need to be considerate and compassionate towards women and other human beings.

Pulkita Anand is a student of literature. She often reads fiction as it helps her to understand the human condition. She is interested in reading varied genres, from spiritual to scientific, to enrich her limited understanding of the things around her. She likes to listen to music and play badminton. She loves to absorb life to the fullest. At times, she loves to write too. Her creative works have been published in various journals: Setu Journal, Indian Periodical, The Criterion, Twist and Twain, Tint Journal, Lite Lit One, Indian Ruminations, Langlit, Ashvamegha, Lapis Lazuli and Winc Magazine and among others.