Tumbling
through time as
I lay thinking always
remembering
how this crap shoot of life
crushed my dreams spinning
me into an unlikely comedy
listening to a busy world
trains, ships, planes,
never ending hiss of cars
revved up motorcycles
loud televisions, shouts,
radios, alarms, sirens
shifting memories
over in my mind trying
to find some pattern
finally night, long, deep
and black covers me with
blankets of forgetfulness
my garden was planted
on the wrong side
of moon forgetting
tides of ocean
lunar wax wane
only madness
was cultivated
there underground
tubular roots
corpulent veins
flowers called
despair gave off
a single fruit…
I ate it
my laughter
becoming harsh
my eyes grew
oblique.
our family closet
is full of cracked
skulls beginning
with Nancy
“mother’s never
going to be
sick again —
see her steady hands”
cured 20 times
or take
longislandexpressway
aunt Edna
shock treatment
in doctor’s
split level office
cruel Irish grandfather
another lunatic
who chose
farming over teaching
tripling size
of fingers
don’t forget
uncle alcohol
plus patriot sister
with American eagle
in living room
& prison record
none of them will
ever speak of
secret secrets
exposed
add a couple
of 40-year-old
virgins & go
clear off a shelf
for me too
sick sick sick
of seriousness
the universe is
a labyrinthine of my
ear ear ear
I am deaf from it
there is no sure
melody in these
crazy strains
deaf deaf deaf
dumb blinded
loosening mind
for just 1 moment
to a maze of human
dilemma absurd
gone gone gone
everything is
senselessly gone
running thru rooms
marked no exit
crying out in
no voice
dance dance dance
on the barbed wire
of time feet raw
raw raw bleeding
blood blood blood
Eleventh Hour
Wrapped in darkness we can
no longer deceive ourselves.
Our smiling masks float away.
We snake here, there
from one side to another.
How many times do we rip off
blankets only to claw more on?
Listening to zzzzzz of traffic,
mumble of freight trains, fog horns.
Listening to wheezing,
feeling muscles throb.
How can we find comfort?
Say same word over and over
again again falling falling to sleep.
I will stop measuring what was lost.
I will become brave.
Let slumber come covering me.
Let my mouth droop, fingers tingle.
Wishing something cool … soft … sweet.
Now I will curl like a fetus
gathering into myself
hoping to awake new born.
Clandestine
In the rinse of another gray day
unrolling before us like an empty film,
I want to scream out against
flat skies, tear up coarse air.
nother gray day gnawing
at me sounding metallic beats
putting me through its paces
with long lists of minutiae.
Acrid weariness crawls up spine
shifting pain like broken shards
of glass cutting open my mouth.
My eyelids want to droop shut.
Today marches forward….another
tin soldier knocking yesterday aside.
Each night coming faster, faster.
Winds blowing stronger, stronger.
Cats howls in cold circles as
ragged leaves cling to boughs.
Raindrops fall like black ink
under small pools of light.
Darkness gathers close…
my shadow, that long black
silhouette slanting down
follows me into the long night.
Mental Health and the Medical System
After finding male bosses wanted females workers to be cheap, on time and pretty., now I find myself in another “made for females trap.” Being female and taking an anti-depression medicine has put me at distinct disadvantage in doctors’ offices.
When I came down with hyperparathyroidism, my doctor labeled it as depression. I landed up crashing at the hospital spending time in the Intensive Care Unit and needing an MRI. Female complaints are minimized and overlooked.
Young white men are treated the best in our medical system. Actually all the research is done on their behalf. Women are left out in the cold.
This is one of the many reasons why women are depressed. The other problems we face are low wages, dead end jobs and men who do not take responsibility for their actions.
It is time to recognize women as fully human and treat them as they deserve.
Joan McNerney has been the recipient of three scholarships. She has recited her work at the National Arts Club, New York City, State University of New York, Oneonta, McNay Art Institute, San Antonio and the University of Houston, Texas, Published worldwide in over thirty five countries, her work has appeared in literary publications too numerous to mention. Four Best of the Net nominations have been awarded to her. The Muse in Miniature, Love Poems for Michael and At Work are available on Amazon.com A new release entitled Light & Shadow explores the recent historic COVID pandemic.
Madwomen in the Attic 
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